Mr perfect or perfect illusion

I cannot think about anything else but my previous relationship. I finally won over the boy of my dreams. He had the most perfect outside appearance but the only thing that slipped my mind was his “damaged” character. I survived with him 1.5 year, yes I write survived because how I ended up feeling at the end of the relationship was just nothing but shameful to write about. Basically, I got what I asked for.

However, I do not write this post to put the blame on men. Now I know that how he acted was just his way of behaving, the one mistake I have made was constant “idealization” of my “prince charming”. As the relationship was progressing, I was trying to change him so I ended up constantly frustrated. Of course he was not an easygoing person, he always had to add something to the quarrel. I will never think of him as blameless, the way he treated me (manipulative games, jealousy acts or constant critique) was just unacceptable. What I did wrong was creating the illusion of “Mr.Perfect” in my head. I wished that my handsome boyfriend would behave as my ideal partner. I wanted to change him so much that it completely misled my perception of healthy relationship. I was able to handle every public or private humiliation. As I wrote I got what I wished for. I wonder “Was it worth being in a toxic relationship for such a long time or worth believing in him and giving my whole heart away, just like that?”

Paradoxically, I can proudly state that it was worth it. Now I know my strength, I know how much I am worth, and definitely I know how much respect I deserve. Am I looking for a next relationship like that? I cant wait to meet next “prince charming” and show him where the doors are. Do I recommend this way of learning about oneself ? I do not wish it to my worst enemy.

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